I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
i think i just lost a toe
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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