your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
how can u be prego again
problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
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