I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
