Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
