Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Randomize
