im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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