I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
