Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
