She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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