my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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