Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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