and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
