I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
