Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
