does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
it was like eating out sand paper
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
