brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
