Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
It's like God shit irony all over that family
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
