I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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