You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
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