Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
