Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
