Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
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