watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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