Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
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