the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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