Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
