I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
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