Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
