It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Randomize
