I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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