Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
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