Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
