So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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