Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
