Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
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