That's intense
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
