I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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