We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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