I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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