I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Randomize
