i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
