i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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