The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
You were trust falling into bushes
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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