ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
