Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
There are leaves in my underwear?
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
