Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
