Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
