You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
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