I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
