I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
