oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
