Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
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Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
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Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
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