hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I have tasted many bathrooms
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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