I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Randomize
