Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
