do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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