Where is the hickey?
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
