My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
