I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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