my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Randomize
