I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
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