She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Randomize
