need another drink. this is the easiest way
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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