She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
