my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
