Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
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My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
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You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
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