it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Randomize
