I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
