Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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