you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Randomize
