Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
