Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
i just sent this text using only my big toe
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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