I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Sober January is a disaster.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Randomize
