i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
