Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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