I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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