i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
We left the knife in your bed.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
