HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
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