i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
